Folks, I never write reviews...because I always search for the best aspect of any dining experience, and generally dwell on that little gem as I grab my coat, walk or cab home half drunk, and relate the somewhat sanitized version of said experience over the ensuing days and weeks, whenever it might come up. That I am writing my first official restaurant review for public consideration should thus add some measure of validity to these observations.
I will never again dine at Vice Versa - which saddens me because I fear I shall never duplicate the truly novel experience of "fine dining" in Hell's Kitchen. Flowery prose aside, and the disparity between my own expectations (based on 6 previous positive Vice Versa experiences) and this particular marathon of disappointment notwithstanding, let me simply enumerate the reasons that this dinner for 2 was NOT worth the $150 that changed greasy hands:
1. Frisee Salad was tossed in VINEGAR, not vinegrette. Beets were ornamental at best. Mandarin oranges were completely out of place, and walnuts were like rock candy.
2. Duck breast was requested at medium, and served well-done and LUKEWARM.
3. Wine glasses stood empty for 15 minutes, and were only filled upon my direct request of the waiter.
4. Plates sat obviously ready for clearing for 15 minutes before the waiter inquired if we were finished.
5. Waiter did not crumb the table.
6. Dessert menu was soiled with some kind of syrup.
7. Coffee was served without a sugar/sweetener caddy
8. Waiter darted to retrieve the finished credit slip within seconds of my final pen stroke (no table turning here or imminent shift turnover - this was 9:30pm!)
If we can tolerate tunnel traffic, bumbling tourists, skyrocketing rents, B&T weekenders, the Great Yum Yum Bangkok Invasion, and the endless round-the-clock jackhammers of progress, then isn't it time Hell's Kitchen raised the bar of cuisine just on a tad? Meanitme, I'll be dining downtown.
Pros: Mediocre wines by the glass
Cons: Everything else
